What My Body Knows

On staying calm when nothing is

I stopped asking why God or the universe gave me these four children.
They are my opposites. Emotional where I am reserved. Reactive where I am still.

I used to think that was the problem. Now I think it might be the point.

Two of my adult children have undiagnosed mental illness. Neither will seek help.

Recently, one of them went through it for about two weeks.
Manic. Hyper. Talking without listening.
False memories stated as fact.

It moved through all of us.

My kids have always said I have no emotions. Emotionally constipated. Stoic.
I don’t wear what I feel on my face or in my voice.

I never have.

In those two weeks, that was the only thing that helped.

I stayed calm. Listened. Acknowledged without engaging.

I’ve watched what happens when I react. Their view doesn’t change. Their state doesn’t shift.
The only thing that changes is the temperature in the room.

So I stay cool. I listen. I say almost nothing.

And when it’s over, I carry it alone.

My children think I feel nothing.

My body knows different.

~Isla

Photo by Jack White on Unsplash